Narcolepsy
dysanea
paralysis
would Sisyphus
and his halfsmiling face
agree that man is born free and is everywhere chained,
or born, free
bouldered heavy
pressured to be

Camus, by the way, a heartbreaking babe
with a weight in his words, sad eyes, sad face
talking all night, all day with his collar raised at a tiny table in a French café where lovers and writers and fuckable philosophers heatedly trade on liberté, egalité, fraternité
where once they talked about love.

Obsession
compulsion
paranoia
panic, anxiety, mad faerie quick trickery
Socrates met Augustine
hysteria bloomed
in the garden, drunk glee
sucking stolen oranges quickmilked from the tree,
now rest among weeds
sated, disturbed, beloved.

Beloved the rest, sacrificed, holocaust
on Aegean beaches, one million beasts in the fire

(Come deer and hide here, under the waving cedar)

Derrida’s embrace bid salut/audieu/the world missing you, Levinas
heartbroken open more love flew out
careened around, broken winged
off pitch, off yaw
left arm, left shoulder, heart armour leftover
you do not need that anymore, dear

But unshackled and weaklegged thrust in the day, can you explain?
free
just
born
happyness
spinepinned, dusky spelled in the cave of the prelingual real
no boulder, no wing, not yet halfsmiling
heartpaused, unaware, oneiric

Tesseracting ahead
thin skinned, emotional, poor impulse control
reckless, endangered, offended
faced off with a monster;
monstrous and mad, yellowed wallpaper
more coopted colour
perfection cheerflowered, sunshine, butter

And there is no outside, and no same river twice
but Heraclitus must have tried
and Foucault no doubt the same troubles as I

Hyperfocus
titration
broken wing
staggered morning
hypersomnia, insomnia, somniphobia, thanatophobia
disorderly anxiety, murmuring heartbreak, fuckable philosophy

Fear of the woods after Puritan fields
awake in the day
and that much pressure to be free.