What happened was I tried to read Levinas over the hols. It seemed like the thing to do, having an inkling I guess of what he might get on about, about what I have been thinking of as utopian space. The confrontation with the other and the possibility of entering into mutuality with the other, a relationship formed by, or perhaps hosted by, generosity, respect, curiosity, and the desire for intimacy, as opposed to approaching such an encounter with fear and caution and shows of power organised to safeguard the self; selfishness.

I tried to read Levinas and boy is it ever hard. So my mind kind of slipped and bruised itself into some stiff-spined numb dumb paralytic red tide. My sails all came down and sank my pretty pea green boat, and it’s still submerged and I hope I can haul it out and pick things apart and clean off the brine that cakes like tears after crying, leaving salty footprints even after washing the eyes.

oh, ah, um, ugh, blah, blargh, blurb, blech, neep, neep, sleep, wake up, wake up

Not dead, just sleeping, just dreaming, just collecting some underwater dark and a few more feelings.

Consider the difference between looking on the fishes from above the surface of the water, and looking at them while lying there beside. The shapes they make, darting, eyeing, considering.